The Hunters: Phantom Chapter 11

Elena hung up the phone. She and Bonnie had discussed perpetuallyy intimacy that was exhalation on, from the mysterious appearance of Celias and Merediths names to Margarets upcoming dance recital. scarce she hadnt been able to bring up what she had real y cal ed to talk astir(predicate). She sighed. After a moment, she felt under her mattress and pul ed proscribed her velvet-covered journal.Dear Diary,This afternoon, I talked with Caleb Smallwood on the front lawn of my house. I barely know him, yet I feel this visceral connection with him. I love Bonnie and Meredith more than career itself, barely they have no idea what its analogous to lose your parents, and that puts a space between us.I see myself in Caleb. Hes so handsome andseems so carefree. Im sure most people think his life is perfect. I know what its like to pretend to have it together, even when youre coming apart. It can be the loneliest thing in the world. I hope he has a Bonnie or a Meredith of his own, a frie nd he can lean on.The strangest thing happened art object we weretalking. A crow flew straight at us. It was a big crow, one of the biggest Ive ever seen, with iridescent black feathers that shone in the sun and a huge subordinate beak and claws. It qualification have been the same one that appeared on my windowsillyesterday morning, but I wasnt sure. Who can tell crows apart?And, of course, both the crows reminded me of Damon, who watched me as a crow before weeven met.Whats strange ridiculous, really is thisdawning feeling of hope I have deep inside me. What if, I keep thinking, what if some looks Damons not dead after all?And then the hope collapses, because he isdead, and I need to face that. If I want to deterrent rigid I cant lie to myself. I cant make up pretty fairy tales where the noble vampire doesnt die, where the rules get changed because itssomeone I care about.But that hope comes pussyfoot up on me once once more What if?It would be too cruel to take anything about the crow to Stefan. His grief has changed him.Sometimes, when hes quiet, I catch a strange seem in his leaf green look, like theres someone I dont know in there. And I know hes thinking of Damon, thoughts that set out him somewhere I cant ascertain anymore.I thought I could tell Bonnie about the crow. She cared about Damon, and she wouldnt prank at me for wondering whether there were some way he might still, in some form, be alive. Not after she suggested the very same thing earlier today. At the last minute, though, I couldnt talk to her about it.I know why, and its a lousy, selfish, stupid reason Im jealous of Bonnie. Because Damon saved her life.Awful, dependable?Heres the thing For a long time, out of millions, there was one human Damon cared about. saveone. And that one person was me. Everyone else could go to hell as far as he was concerned. He could barely remember my friends names.But something changed between Damon andBonnie, maybe when they were totally in t he Dark Dimension together, maybe earlier. Shes evermore had a circumstantial crush on him, when he wasnt being cruel, but then he started to take notice of his little redbird. He watched her. He was tender with her. And when she was in danger, he moved to save her without a second thought as to what it might greet him.So Im jealous. Because Damon savedBonnies life.Im a terrible person. But, because I am soterrible, I dont want to share any more of Damon with Bonnie, not even my thoughts about the crow. I want to keep part of him besides for me.Elena reread what she had written, her lips pressed tightly together. She wasnt proud of her feelings, but she couldnt deny they existed.She leaned back on her pil ow. It had been a long, wear day, and now it was one oclock in the morning. Shed verbalise good night to Aunt Judith and Robert a couple of hours ago, but she didnt seem to be able to make it into bed. Shed in effect(p) puttered around after changing into her nightdress brus hing her vibrissa, rearranging some of her possessions, flipping through a magazine, looking with satisfaction at the fashionable wardrobe she hadnt had access to in months. Cal ing Bonnie.Bonnie had sounded odd. Distracted, maybe. Or perhaps just tired. It was late, after al .Elena was tired, too, but she didnt want to go to sleep. She final y admitted it to herself She was a little afraid to go to sleep. Damon had been so real in her dream the early(a) night. His body had felt firm and solid as she held him his silky black hair had been soft against her cheek. His subdued voice had sounded sarcastic, seductive, and commanding by turns, just like the living Damons. When she had remembered, with a sickening horror, that he was gone, it had been as if he had died al over again. But she couldnt stay awake forever. She was so tired. Elena switched off the light and closed her eyes. She was sitting on the creaky old bleachers in the school gym. The air smel ed of sweaty athletic sho e and the polish they used on the wooden floor.This is where we met, said Damon, who she now realized was sitting beside her, so close the sleeve of his leather jacket brushed her arm.Romantic, Elena replied, education one eyebrow and looking around the big empty room, the basketbal hoops hanging at each end.I try, Damon said, a tinge of a laugh coloring his dry voice. But you chose where we are. Its your dream.Is it a dream? Elena asked suddenly, turning to study his face. It doesnt feel like one.Wel , he said, let me put it this way. Were not actual y here. His face was serious and intent as he gazed back at her, but then he flashed one of his sudden, bril iant smiles and his eyes slid away. Im glad we didnt have gymnasiums like this when I did my studies, he said casual y, stretching out his legs in front of him. It seems so undignified, with the shorts and the rubber bal s.Stefan said that you played sports then, though, Elena said, distracted in spite of herself. Damon frowne d at Stefans name.Never mind, she said hastily. We might not have much time. Please, Damon, please, you said youre not here, but are you anywhere? Are you al right? Even if youre dead I mean real y dead, dead for good, are you somewhere?He looked at her sharply. His mouth twisted a little as he said, Does it matter that much to you, princess?Of course it does, Elena said, shocked. Her eyes were fil ing with tears.His tone was light, but his eyes, so black she couldnt tel where the iris ended and the pupil began, were watchful.Everyone else al your friends this town theyre al okay, though, arent they? You have your world back. There are such things as col ateral damages you have to expect if youre going to get what you want.Elena could tel from Damons expression that what she said next would matter dreadful y. And, in her heart of hearts, hadnt she admitted to herself the other day that, as much as she loved Damon, things were better now, that everything could be good again with the town saved and her returned to her old life? And that she wanted it that way, even if it meant Damon was dead? That Damon was what he said collateral damage?Oh, Damon, she said at last, helplessly. I just miss you so much.Damons face softened and he reached for her. Elena Yes? Elena murmured.Elena? A hand was gently shaking her. Elena?Someone stroked her hair, and Elena nuzzled sleepily into the touch modality.Damon? she said, stil half dreaming.The hand paused in its chance event and then withdrew. She opened her eyes.Just me, Im afraid, said Stefan. He was sitting next to her on her bed, his mouth a straight, tight line, his eyes averted.Oh, Stefan, said Elena, sitting up and throwing her arms around him. I didnt mean Its al right, Stefan said flatly, turning away from her. I know what he meant to you.Elena pul ed him toward her and looked up into his face.Stefan. Stefan. His green eyes had a distant expression.Im sorry, she said pleadingly.You have nothing to apologize fo r, Elena, he said.Stefan, I was dreaming about Damon, she confessed.Youre right, Damon was important to me, and I miss him. A go through twitched at the side of Stefans face, and she stroked his jaw. I wil never love anyone more than I love you, Stefan. It would be impossible. Stefan, she said, feeling like she might cry, youre my true love, you know that. If barely she could reach out and show him with her mind, make him understand what she felt for him. Shed never ful y explored her other Powers, never ful y claimed them, but losing their telepathic connection felt like it might kil her.Stefans expression softened. Oh, Elena, he said slowly, and wrapped his arms around her. I miss Damon, too. He buried his face in her hair and his next words were muffled. Ive spent hundreds of years fighting with my only brother, with us hating each other. We killed each other when we were human, and I dont think either of us ever got over the guilt and the shock, the horror of that moment. She felt a long shudder go through his body.He sighed, a soft, sad sound. And when we final y started to dislodge our way back to being brothers again, it was al because of you. His forehead stil resting on her shoulder, Stefan took Elenas hand and held it between both of his, turning it over and stroking it as he thought. He died so suddenly. I guess I never expected I never expected Damon to die before I did. He was always the strong one, the one who truly loved life. I feel He smiled a little, just a sad twist of his lips. I feel surprisingly unaccompanied without him.Elena entwined her fingers with Stefans and held his hand tightly. He turned his face toward hers, meeting her eyes, and she pul ed back a little so she could see him more clearly. There was pain in his eyes, and grief, but there was also a hardness she had never seen there before.She kissed him, trying to erase that hard edge. He resisted her for half a second, and then he kissed her back.Oh, Elena, he said thickly, and kissed her again. As the kiss deepened, Elena felt a sweet, satisfying sense of rightness sweep through her. It was always like this If she felt distanced from Stefan, the touch of their lips could unite them. She felt a wave of love and wonder from him, and held on to it, feeding the emotion back to him, the tenderness between them growing. With her Powers gone, she needed this more than ever.She reached out with her mind and emotions, past the tenderness, past the rock-solid love that was always waiting for her in Stefans kiss, and delved deeper into his mind. There was a fierce passion there, and she returned it, their emotions twining together, as their hands held each other harder.Beneath the passion, there was grief, a terrible, endless grief, and farther stil , buried in the depths of Stefans emotions, was an aching loneliness, the loneliness of a man who had lived for centuries without companionship. And in that loneliness was the taste of something unfamiliar. Something unyielding and cold and faintly metal ic, as if she had bitten into foil.There was something Stefan was holding back from her. Elena was sure of it, and she reached deeper into his mind as their kisses intensified. She needed al of him She started to pul back her hair, to offer him her blood. That always brought them as close as they could possibly be. But before he could accept her offer, there was a sudden knock on the door.Almost in a flash it opened and Aunt Judith peeked in. Elena, blinking, found herself alone, her palms stinging from the speed with which Stefan had pul ed away from her. She looked around hastily, but hed vanished.Breakfast is on the table, Elena, Aunt Judith said cheerful y.Uh-huh, Elena said, distracted, peering at the closet, wondering where Stefan had hidden himself.Are you al right, dear? her aunt said, her forehead creased with concern. Elena had a sudden picture of how she must look wide-eyed, flushed, and disheveled, sitting in her ruffle up bed an d looking wildly around the room. It had been a long time since Stefan had needed to use his vampiric speed for anything as mundane as not acquiring caught in her bedroomShe gave Aunt Judith a reassuring smile. Sorry, Im stil half-asleep. Il be right down, she said. Id better hurry. Stefan wil be here to pick me up soon.As Aunt Judith left over(p) the room, Elena final y caught sight of Stefan, waving from the lawn below her open window, and she waved back, laughing, the strange emotions at the bottom of Stefans mind put aside for the moment. He gestured that he was going around to the front of the house and that he would see her in a minute.She laughed again and jumped up to get ready for the picnic at Hot Springs. It was expert to be the kind of girl who worried about getting grounded. It felt pleasurably normal.A few minutes later, as Elena, now dressed in shorts and a light sick T-shirt, her hair pul ed back in a ponytail, headed down the stairs, the doorbel rang.Thatl be Ste fan, she cal ed as Aunt Judith appeared in the kitchen doorway. Elena assumebed her beach bag and picnic cooler from the bench in the hal .Elena Aunt Judith scolded. You have to eat something before you goNo time, Elena said, smiling at the familiarity of the argument. Il grab a muffin or something on the way. She and Aunt Judith had exchanged these words, or similar ones, most mornings of Elenas years in high school.Oh, Elena, Aunt Judith said, rol ing her eyes. Dont move, young lady. Il be right back.Elena opened the door and smiled up into Stefans eyes.Why, hel o there, stranger, she said softly. He kissed her, a sweet touch of his lips on hers.Aunt Judith hurried back into the hal way and pressed a granola bar into Elenas hand. There, she said. At least youl have something in your stomach.Elena gave her a quick hug. Thank you, Aunt Judith, she said. Il see you later.Have fun, but please dont forget Margarets dance recital tonight, Aunt Judith said. Shes so excited about it.Aunt Judith waved good-bye from the doorway as Elena and Stefan strol ed toward the car.Were meeting the others at the boarding house and caravanning to Hot Springs, Stefan said. Matt and Meredith are both bringing their cars.Oh, good, we wont be as crowded as we were yesterday. Not that I minded sitting on your lap, but I thought I might squish Celia in the middle, Elena said. She turned her face up and stretched like a cat in the sunshine. A crack tossed her ponytail, and she closed her eyes and enjoyed the sensation. Its a gorgeous day for a picnic,she said. The world was alive with birdsong and with the rustle of trees. A faint tracery of white clouds underscored the bright blue of the sky. Would it be jinxing ourselves to say it feels like the kind of day where nothing could go wrong? she asked.Yes, it absolutely would be jinxing ourselves to say that,Stefan said, straight-faced, unlocking the passenger-side door for her.Then I wont say it, Elena said. I wont even think it. But I feel good. I havent been to Hot Springs for ages. She grinned with pure pleasure, and Stefan smiled back at her, but Elena was struck once again by that certain something new something troubling in his eyes.